Sorry all you blonds

[John Pilling]

A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home
from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy
but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.
She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!" She stopped jumping
and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told
him that she was pregnant!

He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!
Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"

He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have
TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her
how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the
TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!"

[John Pilling]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman type person and started canvassing a well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."

A short time later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

[Jared]

Okay I got one

There was a Blond, a brunette and a red head.
They were all entering a brest stroke competition.
The race started and the brunette and red head blew past the blond and eneded the race. They waited at the end for about an hour when the blond still hadn't returned. They were worried so they told the life guard to go find her. The life guard finally finds her half way through the race. He asks why hadn't she finished the race yet. She says that the brunette and redhead cheated because they used their arms!

[Dave]

not really a blonde joke but.....

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work drink with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00, on one condition." (There are always conditions.)

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." (Controlling, huh?) The woman considered his proposition for a moment, then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said,...

"Clean my house."